Assertiveness is a Meeting Place
Guest post by Beth Boynton RN, MS
I’ve been teaching, studying, and developing my own communication skills professionally for about ten years and personally, for a lot longer! And still, I’m learning. Assertiveness fascinating to me and although often considered a communication skill or style, is much much more. Assertiveness definitions vary from being firm and confident to being aggressive and when associated with behavior typically include a respect for one’s own needs as well as others’. I like this last idea because it suggests that at least two people must be involved in the equation and possibly more.
It can be fun (I think) to discuss it in more detail. Let’s say you are by nature an assertive person and therefore are aware of and honor your own needs while being curious about the needs of others and willing to honor them. What happens to you if you are put in an aggressive culture or work with an aggressive colleague? Keep in mind an aggressive person is not likely to respect your needs and may use power differences to get their own needs met while ignoring yours. How will you get your needs met in such circumstances? Will you have to speak up louder? Forget about your needs? Find another colleague to work with? None of these are really good options if we want to build teams and healthy workplaces cultures. Doesn’t this explain, at least in part, why practicing assertiveness is so complicated in a bullying or blaming culture?
Understanding this idea helps make the case for why teaching and practicing listening skills is just as important as any assertiveness training that usually focuses on speaking up and showing ownership. In situations where there is a real or perceived power difference, listening skills are even more critical. In fact, one of the best ways for leaders to help staff develop assertiveness is to ask them what they need for any particular issue and then listen.
For example some of nursing’s chronic gaps between leaders and frontline staff can find new problem solving and co-creative energy if leaders or colleagues ask questions like these:
Nurse to Nurse’s Assistant-“What do you need in order to get Mrs. Smith’s care done in 30 minutes?”
Nurse Manager to Staff Nurse-“What do you need in order to take meal breaks regularly?”
Chief Nursing Officer to Nurse Manager-“What do you need in order to get your staff to comply with the bar coded administration process?”
Colleague to colleague-“What do you need so you can get that admission started?”
When leaders ask such questions they are helping followers to reflect and become accountable for their part in a situation. This is the meeting place of assertiveness and while there is no guarantee that we can meet the needs of others, discovering limits will help to set realistic goals, identify training needs, advocate for resources, consider compromising, and seek other ways of getting needs met. A great place to meet don’t you think?
https://bu162.isrefer.com/go/ENBT/BethBoynton
Bio:
–Beth Boynton RN, MS is a national speaker, consultant, and the author. She specializes in communication, collaboration, & emotional intelligence for healthcare professionals and organizations and is trained in the Professor Watson Curriculum for Medical Improv through Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine. Her video, “Interruption Awareness: A Nursing Minute for Patient Safety” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGK9_CkhRNw and blog, “Confident Voices in Healthcare” www.confidentvoices.com have drawn audiences from all over the world. Her second book, a core text, “Successful Nurse Communication: Safe Care, Health Workplaces & Rewarding Careers” is due out in the Spring of 2015. She is a contributing author to Lorie Brown’s “From Frustrated to Fulfilled: The Empowered Nurses’ System”.
